Our first born son, Jonathan, is buried in Indiana. We haven't been back to visit since we left, almost 6 years ago. I miss him. I miss being able to just walk outside and visit his stone.
Rebecca is our only child that knew Jonathan, but all of our children talk about him often. When I go out somewhere with all of the children we usually draw attention to ourselves though not on purpose. People stare at us like little children gawk at people and don't know any better. It's kind of funny. Sometimes people will stop me and ask, "Are they all yours? How old are they all? Are any of them twins? Do you really have six children?" When David hears someone ask if there are 6 children in our family he is quick to answer, "No, there's 7, but Jonathan is in heaven." That always throws people off a bit and then it gets awkward. We usually just keep on truckin' so we don't get into a long conversation with someone we don't know.
The children don't know Jonathan. They never got to play with him or see his cute little smile, but I think they miss him just as much as Jared and I do. I love that they talk about him often and at random times, and wish that he were here with us. Someday. Someday we'll all be together again.
Be Still, My Soul
Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.
Be still, my soul, though dearest friends depart
And all is darkened in the vale of tears;
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.
Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay
From His own fulness all He takes away.
Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.
Hymn #651
The Lutheran Hymnal
Text: Psalm 46:10
Author: Catharine Amalia Dorothea von Schlegel, 1752, cento
Translated by: Jane Borthwick, 1855
Titled: "Stille, mein Wille"
Composer: Jean Sibelius, b. 1865, arr.
Tune: "Finlandia"
Our main reason for taking a vacation out east this fall was to visit some old stomping grounds, the old church in which my Lutheran Stud did his vicarage and field work while at the seminary, 
and to visit our son, Jonathan's grave. While I thought I'd be an emotional train wreck when we visited, but it wasn't like that at all. We attended church that morning and afterward the children went out to the cemetery, connected to the church, and it was like a search and find. It didn't take long and they found Jonathan's stone.
This year marks the 10th anniversary of his death. After beginning a quilt, using Jonathan's clothing, I finally finished it! It only took me 8 years. His stone hasn't changed one bit in 10 years. It has weathered many storms and hot sun, and still looks brand new; for that, I am glad. I am so thankful for the members at Zion Lutheran Church. They have sent us photos over the years and placed crosses, flowers, and other things on his stone. While those things may seem trivial, knowing that people still remember and think of Jonathan warms my heart and the thoughtfulness will never be forgotten. The people at this church are like a second family to us. They helped us through the worst of times and continue to be there for us.
Our children were pretty excited to find Jonathan's grave and see his picture on the stone. It was sort of like we were all together for the first time, even though we won't truly be reunited until we meet in heaven.
We give thanks unto the Lord for He is good and His mercy endures forever. Amen.
I'm sure this kid would have grown up to be a joker. My Lutheran Stud liked to make him laugh.
