Monday, September 12, 2011

8 Years

100_0104.jpgOur first born son, Jonathan, is buried in Indiana. We haven't been back to visit since we left, almost 6 years ago. I miss him. I miss being able to just walk outside and visit his stone.

Rebecca is our only child that knew Jonathan, but all of our children talk about him often. When I go out somewhere with all of the children we usually draw attention to ourselves though not on purpose. People stare at us like little children gawk at people and don't know any better. It's kind of funny. Sometimes people will stop me and ask, "Are they all yours? How old are they all? Are any of them twins? Do you really have six children?" When David hears someone ask if there are 6 children in our family he is quick to answer, "No, there's 7, but Jonathan is in heaven." That always throws people off a bit and then it gets awkward. We usually just keep on truckin' so we don't get into a long conversation with someone we don't know. 

The children don't know Jonathan. They never got to play with him or see his cute little smile, but I think they miss him just as much as Jared and I do. I love that they talk about him often and at random times, and wish that he were here with us. Someday. Someday we'll all be together again. 

Be Still, My Soul
Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.
 Be still, my soul, though dearest friends depart
And all is darkened in the vale of tears;
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.
Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay
From His own fulness all He takes away. 
Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.
Hymn #651
The Lutheran Hymnal
Text: Psalm 46:10
Author: Catharine Amalia Dorothea von Schlegel, 1752, cento
Translated by: Jane Borthwick, 1855
Titled: "Stille, mein Wille"
Composer: Jean Sibelius, b. 1865, arr.
Tune: "Finlandia"


Lauren said...

Much, much love to you today.

And as your blog is so well titled . . . I, too, can just imagine Heaven. It will be wonderful.

Adriane said...

I miss Jonathan too. His cheeks especially. I'm awfully glad I get to kiss them again one day.

DeAnn said...

Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers, especially today. That hymn (one of my favorites) is absolutely beautiful.
Heaven will be amazing.

Kellee said...

Love you guys!

Gretchen said...

Thinking of you, Jan. xoxo

Carissa said...

I'm sorry I never got to meet Jonathan. Sending hugs to you guys today.

Taylor Wise said...

A great post. I know you miss him.

Jo Ann said...

I'm sorry for the loss of Jonathan! I picture him in heaven playing with my Darrell and my Melody Joy! I lost them 48 and 49 years ago and still miss them every day. I didn't get to bury mine because back then, doctors thought it was best if the mother didn't see the baby. I don't even know what happened to them. I understand that some hospitals had a burial plot where they took them. I'm so thankful that things have changed since then!

Love in the Nest said...

I just came across your blog & this post. It's beautifully written. Your children sound lovely. Sorry for your loss x